Sashko's Homecoming

Home

All day Friday we were packing and getting everything set to travel the next morning. We visited the park one last time and joined our new friends for dinner. We arrived back at the apartment around 9:30pm, put Andrew down to bed and finished putting the last minute items in the bags. We crashed at 11:00 pm.

Our first flight from Sofia to Frankfurt was at 6am, so we needed to leave the apartment by 4:15am, which meant we would have to wake up at 3am. We woke Andrew up at 3:30am, fed him a light breakfast and we were out the door. He was only fearful stepping on to the plane but was fine with flying otherwise. In fact, he fell back asleep before we even took off from Sofia.

Andrew napped again for about a half hour during our 3 hour layover in Frankfurt. He napped twice during the 10 hour flight from Frankfurt to Atlanta. The only problems we had were when we told him "no" a couple of times and he would throw a fit. Unfortunately on a plane there is nowhere to take him when he behaves like this so we had to deal with him in our seats. All things considered, he really did alright. If you wake a 4 yr old child at 3:30 in the morning and stick him on a plane for 10 hours, you are most likely going to have some moments.

We landed in Atlanta and were greeted by family and friends. Andrew was a little stunned until he noticed his brother and sisters. Then we got a smile and some giggles. We seat belted him into our van with no problems and began the 1-1/2 hour drive home. We stopped along the way for a light dinner with the crowd from the airport. Tobin and Andrew had so much fun together.

All the kids fell asleep on the way home from dinner only to wake up as soon as we pulled into the garage at 11:30 pm. Andrew got a quick tour of the house and then it was time for pajamas and bed. We made Tobin wear matching pajamas so Andrew would want to wear some as well. We tucked all the older sibling in bed first, and then brought Tobin and Andrew into their room. We showed Andrew his bed but he said he didn't want to sleep there and immediately hopped into Tobin's bed and curled up next to him.

Our kids had us up at 8am, so we decided to head to church. Andrew was a bit shy but as the worship started he was clapping and bouncing to the music with a big smile on his face.

Here are some facts we haven't been able to share until now:

At the orphanage they called our son, Sashko, which is short for Aleksandar. His full name is Andrew-Aleksandar Thomas Santo, but for now we're just calling him Sashko.

He turned four this summer!

Sashko's special need is Hydrocephalus, better known as "water on the brain", which he had surgery for at 3months old. He has a shunt from his skull with a drainage tube into his stomach. Its all under the skin and doesn't seem to bother him. We may have to do replacement surgery in a couple of years as he out grows the current shunt.

He lived in St. Sofia orphanage in the capital city of Sofia, so both our trips were spent there.

We recommend:

Golden Rule Travel http://www.goldenruletravel.com/default.asp for booking our flights both trips over to Bulgaria.

Also, our agency is An Open Door Adoption Agency, Inc. http://www.opendooradoption.org/

A broken door and a chance encounter

By the end of yesterday we felt as if we had really gained some ground in regards to bonding, communication and, for now, managing Andrew's tantrums. Then at about 12:30 last night, he began his nightly routine of waking up and getting out of his bed. We repeated everything that had worked before, but with no success.

In one last attempt, we laid him in his bed, told him it was time to sleep and shut the door. We heard him scream, get out of bed, pound the floor and then quiet. Success?!? Before we had a chance to exhale there was another scream and a crack. We ran and opened the door to see Andrew standing in shock with tiny glass shards in his hair. We looked at the back of the double paned, frosted glass door to see the inside pane shattered. Apparently pounding his fist into the floor was not dramatic enough for him, so he decided to use his head on the back of the door.

Andrew was not hurt in any way. He immediately realized what he had done and jumped into bed and lay still. We did not have to say a word.

This morning we woke up with knots in our stomachs. How much would this cost? Would anyone call the authorities on us? Are we screwing up our son?

We contacted our agencies in Bulgaria and the States; everything has been handled and tomorrow we will find out the cost of the damage. Our agency here in Bulgaria, as well as the landlord have told us not to worry and have been very supportive. They were all just happy Andrew was not hurt.

When we woke up, it was obvious that Andrew still carried some guilt. We reassured him that we love him and continued on with the day. We've read enough not to be surprised by this behavior, so we are not disappointed in any way. We love him as our own because he is our own. He is an amazing little boy and we are so blessed to have found him! He really is a joy to us and we can't wait to see him thrive even more at home. We are so proud of him and how well he has handled all the change.

The thought occurred to Aaron, "the father bears the offense of the rebellious son". What a picture of who our heavenly Father is and what He has done!! Suddenly the cost of the door just seemed so small and we were at peace.

This morning we walked back over to the US Embassy and picked up Andrew's passport and visa. We are done!!!

On the way back through the park we decided to go a longer way home to the apartment. We turned left and walked towards a woman and her son. She looked right at us and suddenly said, "Hello" in English. We were surprised and said, "Hello" back. She then pointed to Andrew and said, "We know him."

We looked at her in shock as she proceeded to explain that her husband and she had adopted the boy with her from the same orphanage. She recognized Andrew because he was out in the hallway nearly every time they went to visit their son. Next thing you know the two boys were playing and laughing as we talked. It was cold today so she invited us to head to an indoor playground with the two of them.

We then talked for another hour about our boys, the orphanage, good and bad issues we were dealing with. It was so amazing to have met up with her and encouraging to the both of us. She's actually from Bulgaria and her husband is from the UK and they are living here. He was working when we met so we arranged to have dinner together at a restaurant nearby tomorrow night. We are really looking forward to it!

Tomorrow will consist of packing up everything and probably a trip to the park before dinner out.

U.S. Embassy Visit

Despite the rain we decided to walk through the park to get to our visa interview at the US Embassy. Our appointment was for 2:30 and we were told to arrive by 2:15. We left with plenty of time to spare and it was a good thing.

All morning long Andrew had been throwing temper tantrums over the smallest things we would ask him to do. Apparently he's feeling more comfortable with us. Just as we were about to leave he threw a fit over Jen trying to look at his belly. Five minutes away from the doors of the embassy Jen asked him to put on his hood because it was raining. At the apartment we can let him throw himself to the ground during a tantrum, but in the park it was wet and muddy.

During our time here we've decided it's best to just ignore the fits and remove him from the situation. So far that has worked pretty well since he now realizes that he's not getting any attention for his behavior. Over the course of the day the fits grew less intense and shorter in duration. After dinner we came home and were able to get him dressed in his pajamas and his teeth brushed with little trouble. When it was time to go to his bed, he went willingly without any resistance. He even asked Mommy to come.

We went out to eat for pizza at a local restaurant for dinner. Throughout the entire wait Andrew kept saying "Pizza" and would give us a huge smile. We had our first pizza with pickles, interesting combination. However, we're not ready for pizza with mayonnaise, ketchup or corn just yet.

The embassy interview was quick and painless. We were hoping to get a picture of Andrew outside the embassy. Fortunately we found out this was not permitted before we tried it. Who would of thought?

Tomorrow we pick up the visa and Saturday we get to go home. We're really missing the rest of the kids and can't wait for them to meet their brother in person.

Out and about

Yesterday we went back to the city. We visited the Zhenski Pazar Market and stopped at a few sights along the way. Note for future adoptive parents: At the far corner we found beautiful clay pottery for the best price. We discovered a little shop in the subway under the Presidency. It was there we found better prices on the hand carved wood items. Traditional clothing seemed to be cheaper at the Alexander Nevski Cathedral.


Andrew trekked with us again without complaint. At the end of the day he was completely worn out; however, bedtime was the last thing he wanted to do. We did our normal routine, but he woke up as we tried to sneak out of the room. Then the wailing began. We eventually got him to bed, but it did take some time and patience on our part. Here's to tag-team parenting!



Each morning he does end up in our bed between 5 and 6 A.M. and falls back to sleep for another 2-3 hours. This we don't mind because it does allow for bonding. We've just never been able to pull the all night sleep over with our children and actually wake up rested.



Today we had the Medical Exam. Good news was it was cheaper than expected and pretty much uneventful. Andrew was shy, but to our surprise he did not freak out. We've noticed he has a tendency to "shut down" with a blank stare when he doesn't like something. We could see him start to head in that direction but somehow he pulled out of it.



After this we returned to Zhenski Pazar Market. It wasn't so much for the shopping as it was for the fact that when we got home yesterday Jen forgot that we had wrapped the pottery in a sweatshirt. As she unpacked the backpack from the day the pottery smashed on the floor. So we returned to buy a new piece. It wasn't a big deal because the pottery is really inexpensive.



Jen is fighting a cold so when we got back to the apartment, she rested while Andrew and Aaron walked to the bank to exchange money. He does alright as long as one of us is with him. He actually enjoys taking trips to the curb to empty the trash with Daddy. He is adjusting well to us and is picking up on more English. He understands many phrases in English that we don't know the Bulgarian words for.



We've seen such a transformation with Andrew in less than a week. His fearfulness has diminished and he even walks with more confidence now. Earlier on he would only attempt to climb the play equipment halfway up. Today he was looking over his shoulder to see if we noticed him standing on the top without holding on. On one playground, he would run to the end of the plank, grab a bar and kick his feet out over a ladder. It is amazing watching what a difference the love and care of a family makes on a little boy's life within a few days.



Tomorrow we got to the U.S. Embassy for the visa interview. It's only a short walk through the park from our apartment. Then on Thursday we'll return to pick up the visa.

On a lighter note, yesterday Andrew was wearing some pants we had brought him that were a little big in the waist. All day long he was pulling on them to keep them up. At one point we were crossing a street at a crosswalk when we both felt him trying to pull his hands away. The light was about to turn red so we squeezed his hands telling him "ne, ne, ne". We kept him walking pulling him up while he was saying something to us in Bulgarian. When we reached the other side of the street we heard him giggling and looked down to see his pants around his ankles! Who knows how far we had been dragging him like that. We eventually figured out that he was saying pants in Bulgarian, but a different word than we were told.

Short post for a long day.

We can't really say much about today. Only that we were able to spend some time at the Zoo with someone that Andrew was familiar with for one last goodbye. They were both very close, and it was a mistake we would be willing to make again. Unfortunately, it set his attachment with us back a day, but it provided much needed closure for them. We are glad that it happened today and not later in our stay.

The past two nights Andrew woke up around 1 a.m. The first night he was visibly frightened and so we instinctively brought him into our bed.

The second night it was evident that he was just simply wanting to hang out. So we spent about an hour putting him back down to bed repeatedly as he would get back up and come in to our room. At first we took the time to love on him and reassure him that we were there since he was whimpering some and crying. As time progressed, we would tell him in Bulgarian "No, I love you, fall asleep, it's time for bed" and at this point there was no crying. Towards the end we just said "No. Go to bed". Finally, he just stayed in bed and fell asleep on his own. It was worth the time we put in for future nights of better sleep.

We'll see how tonight goes.

Bedtime tonight was a little easier. Still a struggle when it was time to put on pajamas, but after that things were much better.

No plans for tomorrow except to take it easy and enjoy our son.

Thru the streets of Sofia

As much as it killed us to do so, we finally broke down and entered a McDonald's. You really don't have much choice when your 4 year old starts holding himself doing the "pishka" dance in the middle of Sofia. Inside, the only difference we noticed was the cooler of Heineken's for sale on the counter. Outside was a book market we remembered from our previous trip so we stopped for an ice cream cone.

Today was one of the few days where we had absolutely nothing to do and nowhere to be. So with our Bulgarian phrase book in hand, we decided to venture into the city. Our goal was to make it to Aleksander Nevski Cathedral, barter for some souvenirs, order a meal from one of our favorite restaurants here, and take a trolley home. All without causing an international incident. We made it! Our only close call was when we passed in front of a political march of some sort.

Andrew did amazing. Its about 2 miles from our apartment to the cathedral and he walked the entire way, with only two stops. Not a single complaint or attitude. We walked about halfway back from the cathedral to the restaurant (http://www.magernitsa.com/). For this leg, Aaron carried Andrew most of the way. While in the restaurant, Andrew was also very well behaved. We decided we had worn him out enough, so we took a trolley back to the apartment.

It was quite an adventure for us trying to translate Cyrillic letters on street signs and matching them with Latin letters on our English map. It was also fun trying to speak Bulgarian in order to get around and make purchases. We were told on our first trip that you could get around Sofia pretty well knowing only English; however, we have not found that to be the case.

Bedtime was more of a struggle tonight. Andrew has caught on to our routine that pajamas go on right before bedtime. So tonight he did not want to put on his pajamas. He cried and through his tears informed us "neescom"(don't want). We won that battle, only to have him put on his sweatshirt, thinking that this would somehow prevent going to sleep. We took off his sweatshirt amidst much protest and carried him to bed while he screeched. We brought in a glow-stick and blanky bear in order to negotiate him laying down. It worked except for some sporadic whimpering. We brought in the laptop and lay with him as he fell asleep (only minutes again) to Franklin the Turtle overdubbed in Bulgarian.

One of the challenges we face is the balance between compassion for all the change in Andrew's life with the need for him to know boundaries for behavior. That becomes even more complex when both of us are out of our normal surroundings, not to mention a language barrier. So we ask God,"who gives generously to all without finding fault", for wisdom.